Sometimes I do wonder where I would be without a child, and I think about how far I have come and I'm amazed by my own existence.
It is so nice to just sit down at my laptop sometimes and look through pictures of my little girl and realise how much she is growing and that she is now one years old! It is just crazy how life goes by so quickly and things change all the time without even realising.
This is probably going to sound quite depressing but I honestly don't think I would still be here, living, if I didn't have her. She basically saved me and changed my whole way of life.
She always keeps me strong because I know I have to be well and stable to be able to look after her.
Being a single mum, I don't really have a lot of time to sit down in peace and quiet on my own and just think, but this has actually helped me in many ways. I didn't realise by not having that time to actually think and process my everyday thoughts that I don't experience my mental health problems as much. She is my mind distraction and this allows my thoughts to not really stay in my mind for long and disappearing and forgetting about them quickly because Mia always needs something or is always up to mischief!
She is extremely hard work but I honestly wouldn't have it any other way. Don't get me wrong I still experience stress and anxiety, some days very badly, but without her I would experience a lot more than just that. I can always get myself through it for her sake and I am glad I taught myself how to get through the bad days before I had Mia so now I can always help myself when I need to.
I think back on the past year and it really has been a blur. I have been pushed to my absolute limits, and got through it, I have had some of the most exhausting days, and got through it, I have had so many days where I have wanted to give up, but got through it, and I have generally felt physically, emotionally and mentally knackered looking after the little one, but still I am here.
I have and still will manage to get through each day and try to always remain positive for Mia's sake no matter how hard times get.
I always thought, in pregnancy, that I would be a terrible mum because of my mental illness's and that I wouldn't be able to look after my daughter especially on my own.
Luckily, my mind set became increasingly more positive throughout pregnancy and I was so determined to make my child's life happy that I knew I wasn't going to give up.
Some of the pictures that make me smile:
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